We all have both needs and wants, but the difference between the two categories can get blurry. For our own self-understanding and happiness, it’s important to recognize the distinction: Needs are things or conditions we require to be met to live our lives – they feel necessary for our wellbeing and even survival. Unmet needs prevent us from pursuing anything greater – like longer-term goals or dreams. If your employment is ending next week and you need a new job to live, it’s impossible to focus on planning a European vacation. If your emotional needs aren’t met in your marriage, it’s much more difficult to thrive in other areas of your life.
It’s easy to see our wants as things we need. “We need to have a house before we can start a family,” is a common one. Having a safe place to live is a need. Owning a house is a want, not a need. Happy, healthy families can and often are started and raised in rented houses or apartments.
The point is: by confusing wants with needs, we can prevent ourselves from moving forward in our lives. If you think carefully about your true needs – that is, what will absolutely hold you back if they are not fulfilled – you’ll realize the remainder are wants. This awareness lends a different perspective to how we’re living our lives.
My needs include security and stability, supportive friendships, and a warm home (I don’t function when I am cold). When those needs are met, I can pursue my wants: adventurous experiences, entertainment, travel, outdoor sports and more. My list of wants is long, admittedly. It also includes an Airstream camper. When my emotional and physical needs are met, I am free to go after my wants.
Needs and wants can change over time. I used to have a need for recognition and approval, but I’ve worked on that (very liberating!). Now I need consistent, decent sleep and downtime. I used to want to own a Bed and Breakfast – but now I prefer to have flexibility with my schedule.
It’s worth giving some thought to distinguishing your needs and wants – it’s not always as easy as it seems. You can absolutely get what you need AND what you want when you have clarity.